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This blog is all about finding balance so you can live a balanced lifestyle. Today I want to focus on five ways to stop putting unrealistic pressure on yourself.
Where Does Pressure Come From
I don’t know about you, but I have found that since starting back to school, it has been much more difficult than I expected to find balance.
We are doing the virtual model right now and I expected the stress to be a bit reduced. After all, I spent the summer trying to learn and prepare for the possibility of this. Yet, every day I come home feeling stressed and exhausted.
My friend recently asked me if I thought I had taken on too much and was trying to maintain a schedule that too full. She asked me to analyze the sheer number of groups I have and how many Zoom meetings I have scheduled throughout the day.
My initial reaction was of course I am not doing too much. As a matter of fact, I feel like I am not doing enough!
The whole exchange has led me down the rabbit hole of analyzing how often I have felt this way in my life. I will try to operate at full capacity on a regular basis and yet I will often feel that I am not doing/being enough.
I have learned that I am not alone in this feeling. Many teachers I have spoken with will admit that they have had or currently have feelings of not doing enough.
The interesting thing is that the unrealistic pressure we put on ourselves is not limited to school. It seems to spill over into personal life as well. This continued pressure can lead to living in a state of chronic stress.
5 Ways to Stop Putting Unrealistic Pressure on Yourself
So, what can we do? Here are five things I think can help reduce the stress caused by putting unrealistic pressure on yourself.
1. Let Go of Perfectionism
The first thing we can do is let go of perfectionism. I don’t want to over-generalize here, but I would say that most teachers can have perfectionist tendencies at some point in their life.
Recently, I created a video discussing the differences between being a perfectionist and a high achiever.
Most people want to achieve great things in their life. How they go about doing may be the difference between true, manageable success and feeling constant stress.
One of the biggest issues here is the tendency to have a fixed mindset. While we would never think that we have one, after all, we teach our kids not to, it shows up in the way we react to our mistakes, the expectations we set for ourselves, and the way we accept feedback.
By letting go of perfectionism, we can come to realize that the process is just as important as the final product. Our best learning comes from making mistakes and having a failure.
Without mistakes, we won’t know how to level up and improve. Therefore, the pressure we put on ourselves to be perfect is actually holding us back from getting better.
Allowing a fear of failure to dictate what you will do has the potential to be extremely limiting. It will hinder you from thinking outside of the box and trying new things.
We are living in a time that consists of never before seen things. Trying to teach virtually during a global pandemic is going to require some “out of the box” thinking and the flexibility to try new things.
Once we wrap our heads around the reality of this, we can learn to creatively move forward without the unnecessary pressure of perfectionism.
2. Let Go of Unrealistic Expectations
The idea of unrealistic expectations goes right along with perfectionism, but it is not exclusive to the perfectionist. I have found myself trying to set goals, schedules, and tasks for myself that look very similar to the traditional teaching world.
The truth is, some of these are unrealistic expectations. Striving to meet these unrealistic goals is contributing to the stress I have been feeling. Perhaps you can relate!
Both the high achiever and perfectionist have high expectations for themselves and others. The difference is in how they approach setting these expectations.
Consider the Circumstances
The high achiever sets expectations while considering the circumstances and fluidity of the situation. They are more flexible in adjusting the expectation as time goes on.
The perfectionist tends to be more inflexible and sets the expectations without considering the circumstances.
Here is one example, setting unrealistic timelines. When charting unknown territory, it is imperative that we are flexible in dealing with timelines.
It can be challenging to find balance here. If you do not set a timeline at all, nothing will get done. However, if you set a rigid timeline that is not adjusted as circumstances change, it won’t get met and you will be frustrated trying to make it happen even though it just isn’t possible.
What can be done then? Look at the information you have and set a reasonable timeline based on that information. However, know that you may need to adjust it if circumstances change.
Allowing yourself to be mentally flexible will help reduce the stress and pressure you put on yourself if the circumstances do change and your timeline cannot be met.
Be realistic with yourself about what you can actually handle. Do not bite off more than you can chew!
It can be easy to think that you have more time available just because the kids are not physically sitting in front of you.
However, remember to consider all the time it takes to prepare for life in the virtual world. Lessons don’t just appear and kids are still being met with.
Additionally, you may be continuing to learn how to navigate the virtual world yourself. Learning new technology and how to convert traditional tasks into digital form will take some time.
Saying “No”
It is okay to say “no” to some of the extra things because you know that it will take time to navigate what is already on your plate. You still only have 24 hours in the day and finding balance will require saying “no” to things that you cannot realistically accomplish.
3. Let Go of Comparison
Comparison is a real struggle that requires its own post, but I will share a couple of thoughts here.
Comparing ourselves to others is often something that we do unconsciously. It can happen when you walk into another teacher’s room and see the way it is decorated like a Pinterest model room. All of the sudden, you wonder if the kids will think you are fun because your room doesn’t feel as put together.
It happens when you hear that idea that someone has for teaching a concept and you start to wonder if your teaching style is good enough to reach kids.
The chances are pretty good that you are not verbalizing these thoughts and you probably don’t even realize the degree to which you are comparing yourself to others.
However, this unconscious comparison causes you to put undue pressure on yourself. This pressure comes from the underlying desire to “keep up with the Jones’.”
4. Create a Plan
Most of the teachers I know are pretty good planners. The real question here is whether or not we are planning the right things.
Important Vs. Urgent
This summer I read a couple of articles that talked about the need to focus on what is important rather than what is urgent. One article that was particularly helpful is How to Use Stephen Covey’s 4 Quadrants to be Productive by Riz Pasha.
The majority of our time gets filled with tasks that seem urgent. While we believe these tasks are most important because we believe they need to be done right now, they are usually the tasks that have no lasting benefit.
Things that are actually important and deserve the most investment of our time are pushed off to the side while we attend to the urgent matters.
The article references the importance of professional reading in order to improve our teaching skills, but that task might get put off because it seems unimportant.
The truth is, improving our teaching skills will have longer-lasting value and is actually more important than some of the other tasks we engage in.
Strategic Planning
Strategically planning can help us cut down on the time we spend engaging in “urgent” busywork. Plan certain parts of your day that you will use to complete those tasks.
One example might be scheduling a couple of specific times to read and respond to emails. Every time you read and respond to your email, you are having to shift your focus. This causes you to lose track of what you are doing and slows down productivity.
This will take some practice to master. With virtual teaching, I find it is harder to ignore those emails and only check them at certain times. However, I know that planning it correctly will help me be more productive and less stressed.
We also feel the pressure of large tasks that need to be accomplished by a certain time but feel massively overwhelming. Creating a plan to do little chunks of the project every day can save us from the crushing feeling that it is just impossible.
5. Take Time for Reflection
It may seem counterintuitive to slow down and reflect when you are feeling the weight of putting unrealistic pressure on yourself. However, reflection can do a lot to change your perspective of the situation and can bring some clarity to the reality of where you are at.
Reflect and acknowledge the progress that has already been made. Chances are pretty good that if you take the time to reflect on your progress, you will realize that you have done more than you thought.
Take time to show gratitude and appreciation for the progress that has been made and for those who have helped you accomplish it.
Reflect on the kindness you are showing to yourself. Have you taken time for that much-needed self-care? We read about it. We listen to podcasts about it. Our friends tell us we need to do it. But, are we actually acting on engaging in self-care?
There is always going to be more that needs to be accomplished. However, if you never take the time to recharge, it will be so much more challenging to get everything done.
Conclusion
We are always going to put a certain amount of pressure on ourselves. In fact, a measured amount can be healthy in motivating us to achieve great things.
However, it is important to keep that pressure in check so that it remains a help and does not turn in to unrealistic pressure that keeps you chronically stressed and unable to fulfill your goals. Let go of perfectionism, unrealistic expectations, and comparison. Create a plan and take time for reflection.
Let these five things stop you from putting unrealistic pressure on yourself and enjoy living your best-balanced life!
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